Fantasy & Reality

Although we are pushing out dopamine hijacking content, it can go too far.

I myself have spent my entire life in this state, so finding “normal” is a difficult path for me.

I have made it out of the hole I’ve always been in. I used to think it was porn that had a hold on me, when really it was more foundational to me rather then external of porn. On reflection I have noticed that I’ve always been addicted to high fun activities.

Gaming till, even when I was allowed to play 5+ hours everyday, I couldn’t get off the PlayStation in the next 5 minutes when asked OR ide have the console sold. Bad food from sugar, to salt, to high trans fats. And long hot showers draining the houses hot water.

Even as a kid I believed in delayed gratification for greater returns in any scenario, I truly believed in hard work now for good outcomes later, but I could never see past the next 5 minutes when I got caught in the moment.

Without realizing it, I enter my 20’s thinking everything was fine.
Don’t misunderstand me, this was a fun time, but it always required MORE.

I see a lot of people, openly speaking about abusing a human being, for porn.
Trust me, I see the fantasy of it, and it is just words on a screen we type, but.. for real?

I still enjoy some extreme porn but its really getting hard for me to watch like I used to when I was younger.
I keep thinking “Is she really into this, or did she cross the line for an external reason?”.

Did she sign up to this 100% on her own free will?
I start looking at the human soul behind her eyes.

What I am getting at, is although we call these people all kinds of wild things, I still would like them to be treated like real human beings.
They shoot their porn and have their fun. They do they work.

Then the gooners glorifying being addicts to porn and promoting it.
I do think I have done this in the past as I do find this exciting, and I cant tell if that’s a true interest, or my past living in the shadows.
I am even considering creating a online persona based around promoting this to some extent so I see just how hypocritical this makes me but my moral compass keep dragging me one way as I look out through the community.

I enjoy all this stuff (clearly), but I am no longer gripped by the short term dopamine direct feed I had going on my entire life. I really used to think that if I just made a few 100K online a year, I could spent all day gooning.

I really didn’t perceive this as an issue when I was there. But through this causing other thing to come crashing down, I did some internal work and found the foundation of my reality to be in shambles.

Like almost everything around us, there is balance, and that balance is unique to everyone.

Some of those captioned pictures promoting falling deeper into this pit can be really fucking exciting, but I worry so much about the people out there that are continuing down the dark path and don’t know it. I don’t what it to get to a point where it is now “too late” or worse.

I think the fantasy some of us have are other souls conscious realities, and its not fun.

I do still enjoy extreme porn and will continue to promote it.
I just don’t want to be associated with what almost destroyed me.

I’m really struggling with the name of my separate online persona, as it in 2 words, makes all of what I just said seem like empty noise. But I’ve fallen in love with the name from a branding perspective. I am leaning towards using it as maybe it helps in a round-a-bout kind of way…

I know this is a fine line but just don’t want to “make people worse”.

I’m not sure if I will expand on this post, make new posts or how this will fit in the the site in detail but I do have a side quest here.

I’m sure a large amount of my followers wont agree with my stance, and that’s okay.

I have many more thoughts branching off from here but the work continues and only 3 of you will read this any way😋

🔌 plug🔌